I struggle with guilt a lot. Maybe it’s because I grew up in a guilt-based household. Maybe it’s because I’ve always been labeled the “teacher’s pet” and needed to fulfill those expectations. Maybe it’s because my personality is naturally legalistic.
Suffering from a chronic illness has intensified this problem. When things get worse, it’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking what did I do that caused this?
The words of Dr. Harold this morning stopped me in my tracks and gave me permission to be at peace. He said, “I know we hoped that your spring break trip would be the catalyst for a lot of healing, for getting much better. And you have gotten a lot worse since then. However, you were able to rest and to come home at peace with a lot of things. That counts for a lot. I’m really glad you went. You really needed that.”
And, in a lot of ways, I really needed to hear that. I knew that that spring break trip had a lot of costs. But things might be a lot worse long-term without the benefits of that trip.