As long as You are glorified…

The first time I read those lyrics, I stopped in my tracks. What? I had to stop and read them again. And then I had to read the context. What? What does this mean?

A young woman was writing a reflection. A one year anniversary…. of the day her boyfriend came home from the hospital… where he had been for seven months… recovering from a traumatic brain injury. Somehow, I don’t know if it was courage or audacity from Larissa, but she wrote, “I’m trying desperately to believe this in my heart.”

Are You good only when I prosper?
And true only when I’m filled?
Are You King only when I’m carefree?
And God only when I’m well?
You are good when I’m poor and needy.
You are true when I’m parched and dry.
You still reign in the deepest valley.
You’re still God in the darkest night.
.
Oh let Your will be done in me.
In Your love I will abide.
Oh I long for nothing else as long
As You are glorified.

I purchased the song. I mused over it. I thought about Larissa and Ian; I prayed for them. I saw Larissa and Ian’s family as heroes. I couldn’t help it. I was bitter at God for all that He had taken away from me, all that He had allowed to happen. I knew that I didn’t deserve any of it in the first place. So I knew that it didn’t really make sense for me to complain about losing something that never really was mine in the first place. I didn’t understand how anyone could look at Ian and sing this without being devastated.

Of course, God was still God, rain or shine. But what I didn’t know was that He is the God who is love, rain or shine. He is my Father, rain or shine. He is I AM THAT I AM regardless, and He’s that to me. In many little ways, I saw God clearly working behind the scenes to take care of me. It didn’t solve my problems, but all these small things kept adding up, and I know only God could have done it, and He did it for me specifically.

Slowly, over a lot of time, I began to open my heart & deeply know these truths. And I began to pray the chorus as well: Lord, let Your will be done in me. Whatever it is. I surrender to You. Work in me and in my situation according to Your way and according to Your time.

Only in the past few weeks have I begun to get a glimpse of the true meaning of it all. Reading a sermon tucked into a book on God & disability, some light shone and a few things fell into place in my mind. In John 17, Jesus prayed that He would be glorified in the believers that the world may know that the Father has sent Him. But Jesus also told the disciplines that a specific man had been born blind not because of a specific sin of the man or even of his parents but that the works of God would be manifest in him. God’s purpose involves His being glorified through His creation, especially through His chosen people. And, if God Himself could be expressed through me in my particular situation, it doesn’t matter how glamorous or unglamorous my situation is, His purpose is a little closer to being achieved.

That’s how my life has eternal value. I become closer to God and know Him in a deeper, fuller way. God is glorified because He is manifested (somehow) in my particular circumstance. I have to confess that I don’t know how God can be glorified through my life. In the grand scheme of things, I feel very small. But I know that I want to cooperate with God for His purpose. And I’m grateful for all that He’s done and is doing for me in my life. So, now, with Larissa, I echo the sentiment:

Oh let Your will be done in me.
In Your love I will abide.
Oh I long for nothing else as long
As You are glorified.

Abigail Cashelle

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