I’ve written about the XXXXL exam room before. It really is that big. And I really do get assigned to it very frequently. You see, Dr. Mark has three exam rooms. I’m fairly certain that I’ve been assigned to all three exam rooms before. The other two exam rooms are normal size. They have normal size chairs and normal size gowns. They even have windows (with shades, of course). But, more often than not, it’s the XXXXL exam room I get directed to, especially if it’s an exam that involves wearing a hospital gown (paper or cloth?) Because that’s the most logical place to put the XXS patient, right?

see how different XXS is from XXXXL??

Anyhow, the last time I saw Dr. Mark, the cheerful nurse directed me to the XXXXL exam room. Guess what? She handed me the cloth gown for an elephant!! Put this on and sit on the exam table and the doctor will be in shortly.

I’m not sure what the technical definition of “shortly” is or whether there’s a separate medical definition for it. I’m pretty sure though that if the light to the exam room shuts off because it’s convinced that there’s no one in the room that the time elapsed exceeded the definition of “shortly”. At least it does in my dictionary.

Enter a problem. The room is dark. The XXXXL exam room has no windows (of course). So there’s not even a smidgen of light. The exam table is pretty high off the ground, and I’m wearing the elephant gown. That means that if I try to move and I’m not careful, I could trip over my elephant gown & wind up on the floor. That would not be good. And, of course, the room is SO large that the motion detector only detects the motion in part of the room, the part of the room that doesn’t include the exam table (of course).

Imagine the exam table completely outside the boundaries of this image. That’s how big this exam room is.

I don’t remember what I did. Somehow I managed to get the lights to turn back on without falling on the ground in a heap and twisting my ankle. I think I figured out how to get down from the exam table and wave my arms at the motion detector so that the lights came back on.

The whole thing was just ridiculous. That room. That exam gown. And now, the lights.

Naturally when Dr. Mark came in at t > “shortly”, he couldn’t understand what was so funny. But I think it’s better if we just keep that between you and me. After all, who wants to tell the doctor that they almost got swallowed whole by his exam room??

Abigail

4 thoughts on “LOL: XXXXL Exam Room

  1. Abigail, you write so well and so descriptively that I was right there in that big old room with you trying to figure out what to do and laughing at the absurdity of the situation. Usually exam rooms are cold and drafty so I was thinking that this one had to be extra cold and extra drafty. There’s (almost) always something about which to laugh and that helps.

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