Sometimes being a spoonie really is annoying. Don’t know what the Spoon Theory is? Go ahead. Follow the link. Read the story. Come back. We spoonies will wait. (We’re good at that.)

[waiting]

[waiting]

you did follow the link, right?

[waiting]

[waiting]

Case in point: these are some recent problems that have come up in my life:
— no running water in my apartment in the middle of 2-3 days of a given week for the past two months

— approval to take a reduced course load is approved but full-time status does not show in the system which means that I now owe money for this term’s tuition and my paycheck won’t come at the end of the month and I lose my health insurance… (aka bad things happen)

— my car has decided that drifting to the right is the normal thing to do, especially when going fast

— my closet has thrown a fit because I haven’t put my clean clothes away consistently for the past few months and now it refuses to have enough hangers for everything

— one pharmacy only has bank hours and only stocks “common” meds

— elite pharmacy doesn’t always keep things in stock that are uncommon and expensive

— someone writes me and says, now, I know you signed up to do x but we had some people drop out, so please do an additional x

— compile (and acquire) book lists for the exams

— listen to my roommate talk about her life (aka be a good roommate)
— go to the class I’m allegedly grading (but currently not being paid for)

If we use a low estimate and say that every one of those problems demands a 2 spoon solution (1 spoon problems like answering the front door don’t qualify for the list above), we now have a demand of 20 spoons. Let’s say that I have 20 spoons per day but 10 of them are reserved for every day necessary activities (like answering the front door or going to the bathroom). That gives me 70 flexible spoons a week. And, I don’t always have the energy to use a spoon. Or to know that I have them. It’s not like someone gives me 70 spoons at the beginning of the week and says use wisely. You pick them up here and there; and you lose them here and there. Think video game of spoons.

To go to prayers with Aaron, Timothy, and Grace? 5 spoons

To email my doctors and say in no uncertain terms that no, I’m not open to this treatment plan; what about these options? 2 spoons

To think up of a meal, prepare it, and eat it? 5 spoons

To take a shower? 2 spoons

To work on my dissertation proposal? at least 3 spoons simultaneously

To actually get out of my apartment and go to class? 2 spoons for putting on street clothes, 2 spoons for getting to campus, and 1 spoon for remembering where I’m supposed to go after that = 5 spoons

Herein lies the problem. There are simply not enough spoons in a week to do everything I absolutely need to do in order to survive. Which means… there aren’t spoons left to solve problems with. Except some of these problems are major problems. Like I can’t get any reading done if I don’t know what books I’m reading. Or my roommate will never be there to support me if I become the world’s flakiest roommate. Or I might be on the street in a few weeks if I don’t get my enrollment status straightened out.

there’s definitely no time for any creative uses of spoons

Folks: this is why those who have encountered me have heard rants about the lack of running water. And how I had to call all my friends with showers to find one I could borrow, put all my shower stuff in my car, and drive to someone’s house to shower so that I could go to prayers.

I’m sorry but the following responses demonstrate that you have no idea what my life is like: well, you should have showered when the water was on (aka in the early morning): ummm, no, that requires an addition 3-5 spoons; you had advance notice so the fact that you didn’t take a shower the day before shows your lack of responsibility: ummm, no, it shows that I know how to conserve spoons; couldn’t you just have waited until the water came back on? ummm, no, I would have missed my window of opportunity when I actually had the energy to use multiple spoons.

The school stuff? Umm, the whole point of taking a lighter course load is so that I didn’t have to use as many spoons.

The pharmacy? Seriously??? Especially since bank pharmacy only fills prescriptions you bring in in-person; refills can be called ahead, but otherwise you have to wait 30 minutes in the crowded basement to talk to a pharmacist who will answer any questions you have with “read the info sheet”. And they’re closed on evenings and weekends.

The other pharmacy? It’s great and I love the pharmacist but it’s annoying to have to go to two pharmacies and everything here is so much more expensive. I can’t afford to fill all my prescriptions here. (I could but then I wouldn’t have money to drive to campus or something else. Money is kind of like spoons as well.) And if they have to order stuff and I have to come back again and again, those spoons add up quickly.

Oh, and the medical stuff? The newest antibiotic regimen? It consumes spoons like there’s no tomorrow.


Please forgive me if I’ve been slow to write email responses or if I’ve seemed bitter at the world. I’m dealing with a major spoon deficit that does not appear to be going away and is seriously unfair. Please forgive me for not being kind and understanding or for being the world’s most unreliable friend/sister/classmate/employee. This is a crisis. My priorities are in crisis mode. Pray for things to settle down, for peace and rest to enter in, and for more spoons to arrive.

Honestly,

Abigail

3 thoughts on “Being a Spoonie

  1. Hebrews 4:15-16: “For we do not have a high priest not being able to sympathize with our weaknesses but One having been tried in all respects according to our likeness, apart from sin. Therefore, let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy, and we may find grace for timely help.” (also Isaiah 53:3 – “He was despised, and forsaken of men, a man of pains, and acquainted with disease”). Praying for you.

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