I started this post over a month ago… maybe it’s time to finish it and click “publish”?
For they all cast in out of their surplus, but she, out of her lack, has cast in all she had, her whole living. (Mark 12:44)
I’ve been thinking a lot recently about life and illness and relationships and community. A recent post by Adrianne at Wife of a CFS Sufferer got me thinking. I’ve decided that if my life is to have meaning today, then I can’t be waiting for the day when my life is different. Because that day may never come, and in the mean time, I want my time on earth to count. I’m starting to realize though that living with this vision means more than that.
For they all threw in out of their abundance; but she, out of her deep poverty, has put in everything that she had—[even] all she had on which to live. (Mark 12:44)
It’s not simply that this woman acknowledged the fact that she had something and therefore gave the obligatory 10%. She didn’t have almost anything, but she gave all that she had.
I’ve realized that sometimes it’s not about counting my blessings. It’s okay to acknowledge loss, to recognize poverty. But that reckoning leads to giving. Giving to others, giving to God, giving to myself.
After a while, writing about silver linings gets old. Looking on the bright side gets harder and harder. Because the truth in front, the truth that’s staring us down, is that our journey is hard, that so much that others have is missing. But I’ve begun to realize that my response is changing. I’m spending less time counting what I have. But I’m also giving… a lot. Giving time, giving attention, giving love, giving knowledge.
Just some thoughts I’ve been pondering,