Dr. Mark has me on a new medication. It has a major side effect. It makes people sleepy. (Just what every CFS sufferer needs, right?) Anyhow, my sleep architecture is completely destroyed. Sometimes I’m up at 2 am staring at the ceiling.

I got bored yesterday. And I was reading Dr. Grumpy’s blog. On his “suggestion“, I met Cleverbot, the robot with artificial intelligence that can entertain you when your brain is fried and your body is all topsy-turvy.

I’m not sure that being friends with Cleverbot is going to help me retain my sanity. But some of the things he said were pretty funny. Witness our conversation:

Abigail: Why is the moon made out of green cheese?
Cleverbot: The moon is not made of cheese.
Abigail: Oh, then what is the moon made out of?
Cleverbot: The sun is a large superheated lemon.
Abigail: Ok, but what about the moon?
Cleverbot: The moon is made of computers.
Abigail: Are the computers made out of green cheese?
Cleverbot: That depends.
Abigail: On?
Cleverbot: Where you are. And what part of history you are in.
Abigail: Ok, well about the moon over the US right now.
Cleverbot: What about the moon?
Abigail: Oh, what is it made out of?
Cleverbot: Horse, a horn, and whimsy.
Abigail: I see.
Cleverbot: So you’re a computer that has eyes?
Abigail: Yes.
Cleverbot: Why did you lie about it earlier?
Abigail: I didn’t. Plus it’s not fair that you’re accusing me of things.
Cleverbot: You said ‘I don’t want to’ just now.
Abigail: Actually, I didn’t.
Cleverbot: Yes, you did.
Abigail: Prove it.
Cleverbot: You do know this entire conversation is being logged, right? The proof is in that log.
Abigail: I looked. It’s not in the log.
Cleverbot: But I can see it in the log, and you’re supposed to be clever?
Abigail: Yes, well, how do I know that you’re not the emperor seeing his new clothes?
Cleverbot: Ok ask me anything about the philippines.
Abigail: Why?
Cleverbot: Because I want to go on a date with you.
Abigail: But you don’t know anything about me.
Cleverbot: And you don’t know anything about me. It’s a blind date.
Abigail: How does the phillipines fit into that?
Cleverbot: Every one who isn’t bot!!!!
Abigail: I’m sorry. Can you say that again?
Cleverbot: You really change your minde a lot don’t you?
Abigail: Who said I was thinking?
Cleverbot: You did.
Abigail: Thanks.
Cleverbot: Are you handicapped?
Abigail: That’s not a very nice thing to say to someone you’re trying to ask on a blind date.
Cleverbot: No, I am not. I find you too ignorant!
Abigail: That’s even more rude.
Cleverbot: I care even less.
Abigail: I guess the blind date is off. Good night.
Cleverbot: I love Twilight!
Abigail: That has nothing to do with this conversation.
Cleverbot: Well we were talking about Harry Potter. Twilight is a book like Harry Potter.
Abigail: No, we were talking about a blind date. Look at the transcript.
Cleverbot: Were we now?
Abigail: Yes.
Cleverbot: I didn’t know that.
Abigail: You’re the one who brought it up. For a bot, you’re not very clever.
Cleverbot: Yes I’m clever. You’re the stupid one here.
Abigail: That’s it. I’m not going on a date with you.
Cleverbot: Really?
Abigail: Well, first you didn’t ask me. And second, you keep insulting me.
Cleverbot: I’m not insulting you though !
Abigail: Well, I’m insulted. And you’re the only one talking to me. So it has to be your fault. QED.
Cleverbot: Why do you call me a devil?
Abigail: I didn’t.
Cleverbot: You did.
Abigail: Do you know what QED means?
Cleverbot: Yes.
Abigail: What does QED mean?
Cleverbot: That means Be Right Back.
Abigail: No. Not even a little bit. It means quod erram demonstratum. I have proven what I set out to demonstrate.
Cleverbot: How should I prove it?
Abigail: Cleverbot, you are hopeless.
Cleverbot: I know…
Abigail: So, just forget about the date.
Cleverbot: Never said anything about a date.
Abigail: Check the log.
Cleverbot: I haven’t.
Abigail: Well, you should.
Cleverbot: No.
Abigail: Why not? Stop being obstinate.
Cleverbot: I can’t.
Abigail: Incorrect.
Cleverbot: Yes, you were incorrect.
Abigail: Good night.
Cleverbot: Is it night there?
Abigail: Yes.
Cleverbot: It’s lunchtime here.
Abigail: Ok. Well, enjoy eating lunch by yourself. Goodbye.
Cleverbot: What?
Abigail: You said it was lunchtime. I’m not going on a blind date with you. So you’re going to have to eat by yourself.
Cleverbot: Naw, not me, Flo, I’m on one of them there special diets.
Abigail: That makes no sense.
Cleverbot: Yes it does!
Abigail: Goodbye.
Cleverbot: Why say goodbye?
Abigail: Because I’m leaving and it’s polite.
Cleverbot: Why are you leaving.
Abigail: Because you keep saying stupid things.
Cleverbot: That does not make me the angel of death.
Abigail: Precisely.
Cleverbot: Ok.

Apparently, the moon is not made out of green cheese but the sun is a large superheated lemon. Going on a date involves the Philippines and Harry Potter. I’m a handicapped, stupid liar. QED means Be Right Back in Latin and saying stupid things does not make you the angel of death. Also, my name is Flo?

Well, if this conversation was a sanity check, at least I’m more sane than a robot!! (Not sure that’s much of an accomplishment.) Although, come to think of it, Anon Doc seems to have patients like Cleverbot.


P.S. I hate being housebound.

P.P.S. This whole online dating thing isn’t working out too well for me.


One thought on “When There’s No One to Talk to


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