It’s Day 5 at the new house and the new community. I’m loving it, although I’m still getting used to living with a lot of people and still trying to learn what the prayer & service schedule is.

At prayers and then dinner last night, the Lord put this on my heart for this season of my life: learn to receive as much as you give. The text at prayers covered Jesus feeding the 4000. I’ve always focused on the giving aspect, the part where someone had a certain number of loaves and fishes, the part where the Lord gave the food back to the disciples and asked them to distribute it, the part where they collected the remains which were more than the original food. But there’s also the aspect of receiving the food from the Father. In order to give, they had to receive something. What they gave wasn’t of themselves. It wasn’t something they created. It wasn’t even something they improved upon. Aaron shared that the beauty of this story is that it’s a picture of the eucharistic ritual. It’s a picture of receiving food from the Father. And, that being the basis of the gospel.

Later on, during dinner, I realized that the fact that I was trying to be green and rode with someone to dinner meant that I was stuck at the dinner without a means to get home besides walking. Everyone else walks, but with the chronic fatigue and all the pain, it’s not worth the cost to try to walk even the blocks between the houses and the chapel. On my own, I was just stuck. There didn’t seem to be any way out of this problem. But God provided a way, a sweet solution, that showed me a little bit more about receiving His blessing.

Grace encouraged me to find someone who had a car and to ask them to drive me to my house, drop me off, and drive back. It took me a while. But I finally asked Phillip. I barely know Phillip, but I was desperate, so I just asked him if he had a car and if he could give me a ride. He said yes to both and then gave me a ride the nine blocks. It gave me a little bit of time to explain CFS and my plans (or lack thereof) for this season of my life. I’m not sure what I expected his response to be, but it really surprised me. He said, I’m so glad that you’ve moved here and were able to part of this community more deeply. Please let me know if there’s anything I can do to make things a little bit easier or to be more supportive. We’re all here for you, and never be afraid to ask.

It was such a humbling experience for me. I realized that so much of my life has been focused on giving and giving back. Helping other people feeds my soul, and my concept of being part of a community has always been about what I can put into the communal pot (so to speak.) But I’m realizing that my time here may be a lot more about receiving than giving. Not that I won’t give at all, but that I shouldn’t be anxious that I didn’t help out enough in the kitchen today. Or that all I did was go to prayers and go back to sleep. Because that’s enough. And maybe that all God wants from me right now.

Learning to receive,
Abigail

Advertisements

5 thoughts on “Learning to Receive

  1. Absolutely love this. We can be so focused on giving, we feel like receiving is a sin – and it is absolutely not, otherwise who would receive what we give? So glad you have such a blessing of a lesson to learn in this season! (Although, it is obviously still hard and humbling)

  2. Beautifully written post! This is a topic those of us with chronic illnesses know well. I, for one, struggle with it all the time, and it is very humbling. I came across your blog because I was looking for other chronic illness people who quilt, and I’ve been enjoying all your posts. I hope you keep on quilting because your stars are looking great! My profile will link to my fibro blog, but I also blog about quilting at apieceworklife.com
    Thanks for sharing so much!

    1. Connie, I’m so excited to hear from you and so happy that you found my blog. I’ll be sure to post more quilting updates. 🙂 And I’ll take a look at your sites. With the move and everything, I’m currently between projects. I finished piecing the star quilt (but forgot to take pictures — yikes!) before I sent it off to be professionally quilted. I’ll post pictures when I get it back.
      Abigail

  3. This is terrific. Praise the Lord. It’s very encouraging to me. In general, we always need to be reminded that in Christ, life consists of first coming to Him empty, to be filled, and only after receiving from Him do we have anything to offer others.
    Praying for you.

Thoughts?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s