I just got the patient itinerary for my first week at the Clinic of St. Jude. I’m really nervous now. Actually, I’m freaking out. My coordinating physician down there already has me booked for the first five days with lots of testing and consultation. (Well, I knew that was going to happen but now it’s in solid print.) I can’t believe that I’m going down there all by myself and am going to have to deal with this 24/7 for days on end. I can’t believe that I’m going to be in a new place with new doctors doing all this stuff. I feel overwhelmed already.

I’m trying to remember that I have friends there that will support me. Alana lives there, and so does Bethany and her husband. Other friends live close by. One of my best friends from elementary school(!) is doing her medical school rotation in town just for those three weeks!! And I know my coordinating physician personally.

I can do things like tell them that fasting from midnight to 4:00pm two days in a row is just not going to happen. I can make people actually read my records and not just endlessly rerun tests that have already been done (just for the sake of doing them again.) I can (and I will) decline certain treatment “options”.

The thing is though that all of that takes a lot of energy: physical, emotional, and mental. I’m not even there yet, and I’m already overwhelmed.

It’s so ironic that I have to be this involved in the management of something that’s out of my control.

Please pray. A lot.



4 thoughts on “Getting Nervous…

  1. That does sound scary. We went through something similar on a slightly smaller scale with my oldest (now 16) a couple of summers ago. We still don’t know what is wrong with her or what is causing her constant pain. My thoughts and prayers will be with you, too. May you find the strength and peace you need through faith and prayers.

  2. It does sound overwhelming and I can’t say as I wouldn’t feel the same way in your position. On the bright side, a month from now they will have a handle on what exactly is going on and have an acceptable treatment plan in place (no naysaying, I’m trying to be positive here). I’m glad that you are going to have some familiar faces nearby as that should help a little with the anxiety factor a little. You always have your friends here and your Stash Bee Worker Bees to talk to about things other than your health so you can get away from it for a bit. Hopefully, you have brought some epic like “War and Peace” to keep you busy during all of the down time and waiting that will occur. Do you think more than 1,400 pages (and 500,000+ words) is enough for your entire stay? I can suggest some other “oldies but goodies” if you need me to! “Atlas Shrugged” maybe?
    Please try not to let the anxiety get the best of you if possible because that can skew the tests in some instances and we want you to get good results from this time spent away. Be thinking about you and sending you positive thoughts and prayers.


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