Looking Back

I’ve been doing some serious reflecting as I’m looking toward the future, and I’ve realized that I’ve come a really long way in the last 24 months. Reading through old emails and paging through my planner, I notice that I was juggling so many things and struggling with managing my healthcare all the time. Now it’s something that I only think about sometimes. Sure, some days I’m really exhausted and only feel like lying in bed all day. But still. It’s nothing like the way that things were before. And, I’m so much happier.

I’m so grateful for the opportunities and blessings that medication has brought me. Taking low doses of the muscle relaxant tizanidine has definitely changed my life. I’m also very thankful for the people that God has placed in my life who have been so generous and patient and encouraging throughout this journey. There’s been the doctors, of course, but also several therapists and my boss at my retail job and my boss at my school. I still wish that my family would be more supportive or even more aware of my existence, but I think my expectations are realistically lower.

Just thinking out loud,
Abigail

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Teaching

Watching myself lecture in class today, I realized that there’s this emotional energy I get from teaching and from getting a whole class to take a journey with me that i s really amazing. Everyone keeps telling me the same thing. I seem like this quiet, subdued instructor (or kid really) until the second class starts. And then try and interrupt my class. People walk in or out of class? Yup, just fold it straight into the lecture.

I’m finally in my element. And having so much fun. It’s a great feeling to have. And such a long time in coming. So much work led to this point. And it’s finally feeling worthwhile.

Even though I get exhausted and still have to spend long periods of time in bed or just resting, it finally feels like I’m where I’m meant to be. The exciting part is that everyone can tell, too. Students and colleagues tell me all the time that they’re big doubters until the second my class starts. And then there’s no doubt in their mind. This is it. The real Abigail has arrived.

It’s an amazing feeling.

Abigail